The Influenza

Had a whizz of inspiration this evening while I was eating tuna, so wrote this poem.

“Today”, I said, to mum, “today

I’m going to clinch my dream agenda,

I’ll take to the pages, sites and dot-coms,

And become an influenza”.

“I’ll buy a tripod, a fuzzy mike,

I’ll looksmaxx my soul away,

There’s reams of content to be made,

So I’ve got to start today”.

Influenzing’s surely heavy work,

But I’ve got to shoot my shot,

I’ll grab my ibuprofen, sniff,

Make sure there’s lots of snot.

‘Lemon and Honey’, see caption for recipe,

‘Here’s many a tip and trick,

To winning yourself that feverish flush,

With panache you shall be sick!’

‘Get Ready With Me’, to sneeze the day,

And lie down in bed and groan,

There’s gifts to feel #blessed for, brands to ambass,

I’ve got to stay right by my phone.

‘What I Eat in a Day!’, here’s an ‘Unedited Look’

At a day in the life with the flu;

The new photoshop app is working overtime here,

How funny, you all think it’s true!

Paracetamol’s my next recovery #hack,

“Oops, was the name on the lid?

Silly me, oh well. An ad?! No way!”,

As I pocket 100 quid.

‘What’s In My Bag?’, ‘Come Thrift With Me’,

‘I Quit My 9-5!’,

(Admittedly due to getting this cold) -

‘10 Habits That Made Me thrive!’.

It pours, it flows, it soars, it grows,

This constant trickle of tripe,

‘Trust The Process!’, ‘Say No!’, ‘Invest in Yourself!’

All you lot must do is swipe.

Reset days aren’t just monthly now, and

My skincare makes me full-time employed -

But guys, in your workaday worlds, remember

Comparison’s the Thief of Joy.

I’ve stopped chasing productivity now,

In fact I’ve stopped chasing much at all,

The days have dragged on, this cold’s gone on too long

My ‘Dating Red Flags’ caused an internet brawl.

My ‘Nightcare Routine’ prescribed plenty of Vicks,

And a lavender cushion in bed,

And a week on from sickness, I woke up with a quickness

Less phlegmy and more clear in the head.

I trawled through my week’s worth of brazen posts,

I gaped at the whole brainless lot.

All I’d done was create a galore

Of toxic and time-wasting rot.

Designed to deflate the merriest folk,

To make them feel they’re never enough.

All my talk of ‘healing’ never really helped a soul,

And I disappeared when the going got tough.

So I put it away: “Mum, it’s not for me,

Influenzing’s not really my calling,

I’m losing myself, it’s just all so false,

I don’t like the way I am stalling”.

“I want to do life like I used to;

Without taking constant pics,

Without needing to show it to hundreds of fans,

Who’ll forget it within a few clicks”.

My influenzing days are long over,

And for that I am happy and glad;

It sucked me right in, made me vain, made me mean.

But mostly it just made me sad.

© - Bea Wood