The Importance of Bean Earnest

Cheer up sleepy aubergine

The Kiwis founded our ‘5-a-day’

To stave off bodily decay,

They said “eat veg; you’ll olive longer -

Your mind and body will both be stronger”.

But with the cozzie livs and hospital queues,

The UK’s got the sicky blues,

So this is food for thought, I s’pose,

To keep us on our (pota)toes.

Scientists have held many an investigation

Into why people hate eating vegetation,

Let’s get to the beetroot of the cause:

Why does veg fail to oregarner applause?

Everyone needs to eat their greens,

It’s not just the super lean, or runner beans.

Please, parsnip the broccoli down the table,

Switch vapers for capers, if you are able.

Don’t turnip a blind eye

To those feeling veggie-shy:

If you really are zucchini to be green,

Then why not dabble with the re-fried bean,

Or cook a swanky signature radish,

But ensure you eat enough, let’s not get faddish.

And I’m sorrel not sorry, we musn’t neglect the sprout,

Even if our Government, with Brussels, has fallen out.

A thing of beauty is a Bok Choy for ever

As that Keatsian adage goes. Never

Say never to some fine art-ichoke, or a salad:

Don’t (butternut s)quash the advice of this ballad.

Some veg is smelly, it papreekas to high heaven,

Some is a slow burn, it takes thyme, needs to leaven.

Some can be a hard celery, some need sharp knives

But all veg is good: and chives can save lives.

Pump(kin)ed with antioxidants, raw veg is such a tickle,

It releases serotonin too, for when you’re in a pickle.

Unencucumbered by distress you can go about your day,

Don’t say jalapeño to some rocket fuel - fly away!

Just like Switzerland, veg is rich, green, unaligned,

Happy, as long as you bear in mind

That whatever you wrote on that (still vital) ballot,

You still turn up, meet, and eat that shallot.

There is, of course, some broccoleeway,

You can go starters, or sides, or a cheeky three-way;

Spinach on porridge? My gran says yes;

Veg? As a treat?! Take a wild asparaguess.

Remember to keep calm and carry on(ions),

It may feel like a pilgrim’s procress - thanks, John Bunyan;

‘One small step for mangelwurzels is a giant leap…’ -

That’s not raddichulous, it’s actually quite deep.

So away with your rhubarbed, bitter words,

Let me be corny, allow me to nerd:

Read the mushroom; and be gherkind, not mean;

Cheer up sleepy aubergine.

Ultimately, to be veg-savvoy

The key, really, is just to enjoy;

Well ‘lavenduh’, I hear you say -

But it can be chard, during a busy day,

So make it brief, and quick and clean,

You don’t need to give your left kidney bean,

Don’t go all mangetoutalitarian, let’s not hate:

Just a drip of dilligence would be great.

Ah love, lettuce be true to one another!

Let us chomp - together - sister with brother,

On greens; and prithee, let us thrive,

Veg is cooliflower, that’s a fact; that's it; endive.

© - Bea Wood 2026